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Scripting 4 – Now taught in a major university

October 30, 2010 Leave a comment

If you haven’t caught up on the whole scripting thing yet you can start here, then go here, then go here, then come back.

Near the end of our comic creating relationship, I started going a bit off the rails. When we first began, I kept the ideas rather simple so that McC wouldn’t be under too much strain in her drawrings. After a while my scripts became more challenging, which I described as a way to, “push McC to her creative limits” and which she described as me, “being a fucking asshole.” These next few scripts were the proverbial straws that broke the camel’s back of our creative relationship. They started out simple enough:

Part 1
Panel 1
Crick: Hey, would you mind reading over my script? I just finished it.
John: Sure, I’d love to. I didn’t know you were writing a script.
Panel 2
John: I think it’s great that you’re finally using your extensive talent for something constructive. I’ve always said you’d make a great writer. I can’t wait to dig into
Panel 3
*looks down at title*
John: Adolf and Joeseph?
Crick: A homoerotic love story!
Part 2
Panel 1
John: You can’t have a story where Hitler and Goebbels are the heroes!
Crick: No no no…it’s an allegory for Hitler and Goebbels. No one will know that I’m actually writing about them.
Panel 2
John: Really, and how did you manage that when the characters are named Adolf and Joseph?
Crick: I’ve found a way. Read the cast list. You’ll see.
Panel 3
John:  *sarcastically* Dinosaur robot Hitler, brilliant.
Crick: The action figures almost sell themselves.
Sounds reasonable enough to me. Just two dudes talking. Well, a dude and a giant cricket. Still, not too hard to draw. I mean, it’s beyond my skillz to draw but it’s nothing that McC couldn’t handle. Where we ran into the problem was with the next script:
Part 3
John and Crick are acting out the play by holding action figures.
Panel 1
Dinosaur robot Goebbels: But why? Why do you hate the stegosaurs so much?
Dinosaur robot Hitler: Why? I’ll tell you why. It’s because of these weak flimsy arms I have.
Panel 2
Dinosaur robot Goebbels: We all have those arms. They don’t matter. What matters is what’s in here. I love you.
Dinosaur robot Hitler: I love you, too. I wish we could be together, always.
Voice from out of frame: Not if I have anything to say about it you wont.
Panel 3
Both: GASP! Jesus Cthulhu Eva Braun!
Jesus Cthulhu Eva Braun: So this is what you do while I’m napping!
You can see how this might cause a little strife for an artist. Or even for an artìst like McC was, the pretentious kind who insisted on the long I sound. She sent me no less than 20 sketches to look over. None of which held up to my standards. After the fifth or sixth try we had this exchange
Me: Why can’t you just draw what’s on the page?
McC: I tried that, I don’t know what you want.
Me: I want dinosaur robots!
McC: I drew dinosaur robots!
Me: No, you drew robot dinosaurs.
McC: What’s the difference?
Me: One is a robot that just happens to be a dinosaur, the other is a dinosaur that just happens to be a robot. Do you know nothing about comedy?
McC: I still don’t understand.
Me: That much is obvious. And why haven’t you drawn Jesus Cthulhu Eva Braun?
McC: I’m not even sure how I would start doing that.
Me: You draw Jesus’s body, complete with robe and crucifix, then you add Cthulhu’s head and put a blonde wig on him.
McC: Isn’t that what I did here?
Me: That’s a brunette wig.
McC: SHE WAS BRUNETTE!
Me: BLONDE IS FUNNIER!

The conversation went south after that.

Still, I love this comic. There are some things that make me happy just by merely existing. My Marx Brothers DVD collection is one of them. I don’t even need to watch the films, just knowing that I have them is enough to make me smile. The idea of dinosaur robot Hitler and Jesus Cthulhu Eva Braun make me happy. A quick Google search reveals that no one has ever strung the words Jesus Cthulhu Eva Braun together into one cohesive whole before, and the existence of dinosaur robot Hitler occurs only as a random stringing together of keywords. In my own special way (heavy emphasis on the word “special”) I thought of something no one had ever thought of before. Also, if you’ll allow me to blow my own horn some more, I love the double meaning of the last line from the comic. If that makes no sense to you, rest assured you’re not alone, but might I draw your attention here.

I fear I’ve drawn this whole endeavor on for far too long already, in my next installment I may just say fuck all to the commentary and just dump the remainder of scripts out for all to read at their leisure. There’s none that are too deep anyway. Except for one or two.

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Categories: Humor