Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Scripting 3

October 20, 2010 Leave a comment

Remember last year when that movie came out about the guy with the blue peen? We were planning on taking a page from every other web comic and making fun of it. Why would we want to touch upon the same ground that had been so well trod? Because we had the significant benefit of releasing the comics months and months after everyone else had. By taking into account what was funny and un-funny about the Watchmen comics already out, we could craft the Funniest. Watchmen. Comic. Ever. What follows are countless (well, if you can’t count past three) comics which fail to live up to that title.

Laundry day!
Panel #1
John is carrying a hamper full of clothes, he walks past Crick sitting on the couch.
John walks back the other way. This time he has no hamper or clothes and he’s glowing blue. There is a black bar where his crotch is.
Panel #3
Close up of a worried Crick
…only stupid crickets.
Panel #1
Crick:  Where are you clothes?
John: It’s laundry day. I always go naked when doing the laundry.
Panel #2
Crick: Stupid question, but why are you painted blue?
John:  Dude, Dr. Manhattan. Duh!
Panel #3
Crick: K, nuther stupid question, what?
John:  I’ve just found that people are much more accepting of a giant blue dong than a normal dong.
Too hot for the internet!
Panel #1
Crick:  Why are you pretending to be Dr. Manhattan. I thought you said that movie was just an orgy of blood and violence attempting to be deep.
John:  It was an orgy of blood and violence, wasn’t it?
Panel #2
The black box around John’s crotch gets larger. Crick becomes rather freaked out. John looks dreamily happy.
Panel #3
The black box is now pointing straight out and is disturbingly large. Crick runs away in fear.
John:  Yeah.

Now, if you’ve been paying close attention, you should be mightily shocked to learn that I actually considered that last comic to be a bit “too much”, and was actually worried about how it would be received. If this doesn’t come as a shock to you, then I’ll explain that the reason it should come as a shock is because with this blog, and with most of my online presences, I pretty much say what I please. What I fuck well damn fucking please. The idea of myself censoring…myself should fill you with no end to humorous thoughts. You might even LOL at them. Anyway, I took the liberty of writing an alternative script in case the last one should be deemed to controversial. As per usual, the script that I deemed more appropriate was a showcase for violence instead of the inappropriate sex-based joke.

Alternate to “Too hot for the internet!” if it’s too icky

Panel 1

Crick: Why are you pretending to be Dr. Manhattan. I thought you said that movie was just an orgy of blood and violence attempting to be deep.

John:  I don’t know if I like your tone.

Crick: Yeah, what are you doing to do about it blue-dong?

Panel 2

John’s irises disappear and he raises his arm. Crick looks confused

Panel 3

Crick asplodes as John rearranges all the molecules in his body.

This next one is based on Rorschach’s “No” monologue in the film. I actually really wanted to see what McC would’ve done with this one, seeing as how all I set down was a paragraph of dialog. I envision lots of extreme close-ups on spider hives and bizarre angles of Crick from the spider’s perspective. I also imagine the last panel being highly stylized and in only two contrasting colors, basically looking like a KMFDM cover.

But I digress, here’s the dialog for the comic:

Spider carcass in the bathroom this morning, rolled up newspaper to the head. The hive is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The webs are extended nests and the nests are full of bug goo and when the webs are vaccuumed up all the vermin will suffocate. The filth of all their sex and muder will foam up about their thoraxes and all the queens will shout “Chirp for us!”…and I’ll whisper “no.”

Today’s final comic wasn’t inspired by Watchmen, but it was inspired by a joke that was inspired by Watchmen, so we’ve got that whole “meta” thing going on which the kids love so much these days.

I actually like this script the most out of all the comics because the original line “This movie literally caused the sun to die.” was said by a friend of ours (it was either Desmond or Matt, I’m too lazy to look up which) while watching Watchmen. That is such a beautiful diss that I can’t even begin to describe how happy its existence makes me. I use it far too often to describe far too many things, which is kind of sad when you think about it. I am just so full of hatred.

So someone else thought up the premise by making a joke and then McC actually wrote the initial comic. As to make me feel like I was contributing something, she had me see if I could work my magics and enhance teh funny that she already brought. That’s right, she’s generous, artistic and funny. Truly, the whole enchilada.

Here’s her version:

Adios Amoebos!

Panel 1:
“This movie literally caused the sun to die.”
“… no it didn’t.”
“Pretty sure it did.”

Panel 2: look out onto blasted face of a moon-crater planet
Panel 3: “Ha! See, the sun rose.”

Pretty awesome, huh? Might I point out the title of the comic. That’s taken from a Far Side comic, which adds an extra delicious layer of awesomesauce. Final we have my version of the same joke, of course I had to be a dick and insert SCIENCE! into the destruction of the sun.

Panel 1:
“This movie literally caused the sun to die.”
“… no it didn’t.”

Panel 2

“Sun’s still there. You lose.”
“Just wait”

Panel 3

*eight minutes later*
Sun explodes


That’s all for now. Next time: BEST! COMIC! EVER!

Categories: Humor, Uncategorized