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A while back Tracy McCusker drew a couple of comics for one of my posts. It was the best kind of collaborative relationship because, it took me a minute and a half to write out the scripts and then she spent hours upon hours doing all the hard work of drawing and coloring them. McC made an offhand comment about how she would love to have me write more scripts that she could draw comics for. It was one of those social niceties that people do never expecting the other person to take them up on the offer. Unfortunately for McC she was unaware of my complete lack of tact, and wasn’t prepared when I took her up on it. Nor was she ready for the vast number of scripts I hurled at her, or the massive number of emails I unfurled wondering when she would get around to drawing them. There was usually one email when I first woke up, another couple before and after my mid-morning nap, another during my lunch, a half of one while I watched Dr. Oz (this is only considered half because the majority of the email was unfocused bitching about how much I hated Dr. Oz ) and about 7-8 more that got increasingly abusive through the night as I became more and more inebriated. By that time all of the script ideas that I submitted to her involved images of me recreating the entire Kama Sutra with various female cartoon characters from the 80s (mostly Cheetara).

Eventually she got so fed up with my harassment that she broke her hand just so that she would have an excuse not to draw anything. Seems kind of excessive to me, I mean most people just tell me to shut up. Not that it does any good.

Okay, none of that is true. Well, the first part is true, where she drew the comics for me and then said that I should write more scripts. The rest is totally made up. Except for my lack of tact, but you already knew that. And the part where McC broke her hand, that actually happened, but not for the reasons I gave, but we all wish her a very quick recovery on that. You know what, you might just want to assume that everything is true.

Regardless, McC has a lot of plates spinning in her personal life and drawing comics for me wasn’t the ideal way to lighten her already massive load. So that idea got scrapped. But what of all those scripts that I had written, all those hilariously wondiferous scripts? Well, I can’t draw, but I can have you read them. And then you can draw the comics in your mind, with the power of imagination! Luck you.

Here’s what would’ve hopefully been the first comic, it pretty much speaks for itself.

In the beginning

*First panel shows DJ giving Tracy a piece of paper and talking to her.*

And so it was that Lord DJ said unto Tracy, “Lo, look upon mine ideas and add drawings to them and make them funnier.”

*Second panel shows Tracy diligently at work drawing at her tablet*

“And lo, I will take equal credit in all the praise that we receive and ride verily upon the coattails of your talent. “

*Third panel shows DJ on couch drinking beer.*

“And it shall be good.”

The next group of comics would’ve been a response to a news story about the heat signature of Saturn’s moon Minas. It turns out that the heat signature looks surprisingly like Pac-Man eating a power pellet.

Pac Moon Mania 1
*First panel: Crick is packing a bag*
John: Going somewhere?
Crick: Didn’t you hear? They found that the heat signature of one of Saturn’s moons very closely resembles Pac-Man eating a power pellet.
*Second Panel*
John: So?
Crick: It’s not just coincidence. It’s alien technology left behind for us to communicate with them, and I will be the vessel. I had a vision of this in college. Pac man came to me and said I would be the saviour that brings our two species together in perfect peace and harmony.
*Third Panel*
John: Vision? You were on acid. Lots of acid. I had to stop you from setting your hat on fire because you thought that it was donkey kong trying to eat your brain.
Crick: Well, once the heat signature of Ganymede comes back I’m sure that prophecy will also come to fruition.
Pac Moon Mania 2
*First Panel: Crick is at the door ready to leave*
John: I can’t believe you’re actually considering this.
Crick: Considering? No. I’m doing this. I’m like Neo, this is my ultimate destiny.
*Second Panel*
John: You remember Neo died at the end of those movies, right?
Crick: …
*Third panel: Crick turns around and shuts the door*
Crick: What’s on TV tonight?
We actually got the third one done, which I’m really proud of because I did the initial drawing of it. McC just traced around it. And cleaned it up. And did the colors. You know, the easy stuff.
Pac Moon Mania 3
Panel 1: The cricket gazes longingly at the moon
Panel 2: Close up, tears in Cricket’s eyes.
Panel 3: Pac-Man Ghost eyes moon.

In case you haven’t picked up on it, yet. Crick was supposed to be the zany character that always had some hair-brained idea cooked up that would lead to wacky misadventures and John was just John, the straight man. Now, you might be asking yourself how I came up with the name John. Well, that’s an interesting story. And I don’t mean intersting story in the way your grandfather means interesting story, that it’s a story entierly devoid of interest, I mean it’s actually interesting. At least I find it interesting. And might I remind you that that’s my name in the url up there, which means what I find interesting is all that really matters here, so grab some wood there, bub.

Anyway John’s full name would’ve never been revealed (unless I could come up with a good joke for it) but his last name was Watson. I did this because I’m a big fan of the Sherlock Holmes stories, and secondly because it fit in so deliciously with the Cricket being named Crick. Watson and Crick being the team who proposed the double helix structure of DNA. I’ll give you moment to revel in my cleverness before presenting you with the next comic, which just happens to fit in nicely with what I was just talking about.

First Panel

We’re in a DNA strand an A base is talking to a T base

T: Uh-oh, looks like we’re replicating again. It’s been good knowing you, man.

A: See ya, T.

Second Panel

A alone

A: I wonder who my new pair will be. I hope it’s another T, he was so cool.

Third Panel

a G base shows up

A: Aw, crap!

G: Awesome, let’s makes some X-Men!

That’s all for now, expect some more comic goodness in the next update.

Categories: Humor
  1. Matt
    October 9, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Very funny. And by funny, I actually mean I laughed out loud.

    • DJ
      October 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

      Thanks, Matt. If you thought this installment was funny then you should just wait for the next one. It will no doubt not live up to your expectations.

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