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White Hole Sun won't you come…

In a shocking new discovery, it appears that we are the diarrhetic effluence of an alternate reality’s black hole. In other words, the universe may have originated from a black hole in a different universe and each black hole in our universe could lead to a different alternate universe. What’s shocking isn’t the idea itself, which let’s face it is pretty shocking, but how cleanly this theory fits into our understanding of the universe.

Unfortunately, this theory, which was dreamed up by Nikodem Poplawski, goes against what Einstein predicted. Now before you start puffing up your chest, popping your monocle, and shouting “Inconceivable” like a tiny Sicilian with a lisp, you should be aware of what Einstein truly predicted. When Al (we’re on a first name basis, Al and I) plotted out the maths of black holes, he theorized that at the center of each one would be a singularity that has no area but is infinitely dense and infinitely hot. So, you need to decide which insane theory makes more sense, the one where the business end of a black hole is horking up stars like a frat pledge after homecoming, or the one with an unmeasurable dot that’s denser than Glenn Beck and literally hotter than Hell.

If you decide to believe in the former, you can take comfort in knowing that it can be an explanation for the big bang. The big bang is thought to have originated from a singularity, but what caused the singularity in the first place? If it originated from a parallel universe’s black hole (through what Poplawski calls a white hole) it solves the mystery of the origin of the universe, but only leads  to the new question of where that universe originated from.

Even better, this new theory could be a possible explanation for where gamma ray bursts originate from. They could be the black hole runoff from an alternate universe streaming into our universe. All we need is a crying Native American standing next to a GRB to make this conclusive.

My favorite part of this theory is that it explains why the universe is pancakeish. You’d think that the big bang would’ve created a spherical universe. After all, with no gravity to fall back into, the matter expelled from the big bang should go out relatively equally in all directions. However, as discussed before,  if the universe originated by unpsiraling itself from a white hole, it makes sense that all of the matter would be on the same plane.

The white holes could also shoot out something called exotic matter. Instead of being attracted by gravity, exotic matter is repelled by it. This way when the universe was first formed, matter moved away from each other at faster than the speed of light. Which would once again go against what Al said, but scientists have long theorized about the existence of exotic matter, since there are some objects in the universe which are so far apart from each other that when going at the speed of light, you wouldn’t be able to travel from one to the other in the time the universe has existed.

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